Consider: "80% of Haitians alive and uninjured today!" "More leisured working class in Scotland than ever before!" "Widespread confidence in previously-controversial investigation!" "Sherlock Holmes TV ads considerate of the hard-of-hearing!"
The exclamation points are all optional.
Then we can settle down to the serious, hard-hitting business of determining the socio-economic ramifications of Lady GaGa's triple Brit Award win and Henry VIII returning to the Globe. As we ought.