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The Topography of Rainbows

In this paper, I will examine a previously understudied aspect of rainbows, namely, the number of sides they have. The subject is of great importance to the lovers, the dreamers, and me. I shall survey the existing evidence for rainbow topography before drawing what few conclusions can be derived from the current evidence.

As experienced rainbow observers can attest, rainbows can appear in half-circles, stretching from horizon to horizon, or any smaller fraction thereof. Despite the superficial appearance of being able to make contact with the ground at both ends, the rainbow possesses an unusual topographic feature: it only has one end. Pots of gold are only ever found at "the end of the rainbow", clearly showing that any given rainbow only possesses one end. Further evidence on the subject states that "we're after the same rainbow's end". I speculate that the superficial appearance of rainbows with two ends is the product of gradual evolution, a natural camoflage to confuse and divert gold-seekers from finding the highly desirable pots.

As we know from earlier work on this subject, it is possible to pass over the top of a rainbow. After all, "somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly. There's a land that I've heard of, once in a lullaby." The data leaves vague whether or not the land is physically located above the rainbow, if one must pass over the top of a rainbow to reach it on the other side, or if, in fact, the observation about bluebirds and rainbows is entirely unconnected with the observation on the land from the lullaby. But it does make clear that rainbows have space above them and, further defining what that space is, a top side. Furthermore, rainbows have a bottom side, a fact demonstrated by the movie title, "Under the Rainbow".

Kermit the Frog once wondered, "Why are there so many songs about rainbows, and what's on the other side?" But which side of the rainbow was he referring to? The end? Above? Below? Or are there, in fact, two more sides to rainbows, this side and that side? A recent e-book's title suggests that there is indeed both a this side and a that side (Dorothy - This Side of the Rainbow), thus bringing to five the number of sides possessed by rainbows. As a sidenote, I suggest that there are not nearly enough songs about rainbows, because I had to resort to non-musical evidence in order to complete my argument.

In conclusion, rainbows have five sides: above, below, this side, that side, and one end. The appearance of a secondary end is only illusion, for while rainbows have nothing to hide, leprechauns do, and have evolved a symbiotic relationship with their respective rainbows which misdirect gold seekers.



( 16 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 4th, 2005 12:29 am (UTC)
You need more sleep or less caffeine.

Also, I need to dig up my copy of 'Rainbow Connection' and listen to it.
Apr. 4th, 2005 12:37 am (UTC)
More sleep, I think. And more actual work.

I have failed to accomplish nearly enough this weekend. Also, I covet a CD copy of the Muppet Movie soundtrack.
Apr. 4th, 2005 12:59 am (UTC)
I have...:checks: two songs from it. Both gotten via :cough: connections. But not the whole thing, which I have back home in Connecticut on vinyl.

(If you have a GMail account or something, I could possibly be persuaded to send you the two songs I have.)
Apr. 4th, 2005 01:08 am (UTC)
At some point, the movie was rereleased on DVD. But the only version of the music on CD listed on Amazon is currently available for an extraordinarily $90+ dollars. I think the CD is overdue for rerelease. But until it is... I would truly love to have two songs to tide me over. (sworthen at owlfish.com if you happen to feel so inclined).
Apr. 4th, 2005 01:49 am (UTC)
That's just crazy, Mulder!
Apr. 4th, 2005 03:31 am (UTC)
May I suggest a follow-up study on the analogical properties of rainbow topography (as heretofore ascertained) with certain observed energy effects of highly ordered soundwave formations upon juvenile mariners?

(been grading papers?)
Apr. 4th, 2005 08:27 pm (UTC)
Followed by an analysis of leprechaun culture entitled:

"Short Faeries in Green: the Queer Little Men of the Rainbow Legend"

It goes without saying that this would be a queer/gender theory paper.
Apr. 5th, 2005 02:06 am (UTC)
I think I've been half-asleep - and probably dreaming - since I think that's a fine idea.
Apr. 4th, 2005 06:13 am (UTC)
Supposedly the road to Valhalla was a rainbow. Although this implies two ends, there hasn't actually been any confirmation of the second end. Or the first end for that matter.

The creation of mini rainbows with a good light source and prism fails to shed light on the subject as the smaller rainbows would have correspondingly smaller leprechauns and pots of golds. The alternate explanation is that the entire rainbow effect is an 'end', but then there would only be one of those.

One assumes that 'below' and 'under' are representative of only one side of the rainbow. Further research is necessary.
Apr. 4th, 2005 06:16 am (UTC)
There's also probably some sort of Rainbow Uncertainty Principle going on here, wherein the position and the ends of a rainbow can not be simultaneously determined.
Apr. 5th, 2005 02:09 am (UTC)
Ah yes. The bridge theory of rainbows. I think that warrants another paper. Or perhaps a whole collection of them. I'm sure there are some stories about Iris to mention in them too.

I wonder how small leprechauns can be? And how many can dance on the head of a pin?
Apr. 5th, 2005 04:10 am (UTC)
I think we should set up a Department of Applied and Theoretical Rainbowoligy (is there a more scientific name for this?) at someplace. There should be meetings and conferences and of course we need to petition Stockholm for the Nobel Rainbow Prize.
(Deleted comment)
Apr. 5th, 2005 02:11 am (UTC)
Those are beautiful! Thank you for pointing it out.
Apr. 4th, 2005 11:53 pm (UTC)
there's a muppet show 25th anniversary cd I got for my birthday that has those keen songs on it and
a lot more. comsidering it's a real cd from friends of mine who would balk at $90, I would keep an eye out for it. ;)
Apr. 5th, 2005 02:12 am (UTC)
Thank you - that CD is much more affordable. How many of the original Muppet Movie songs does it include?
( 16 comments — Leave a comment )